Dad: Why the hell did you put a comma there?
Dad: Do you even know what a participial phrase is?
Dad: Omg. He's like my favorite character of all time.
Dad: Who should I dress up as for the movie premier?
Dad: Hey are you awak? I know it's late, but you read Animal Farm, right? Yeah. I need you to read this report. I can't tell if I am just super tired or if this is actual bullshit.
Dad: Alesha wouldn't be able to spell 'definitely' right if wrote it down for her. She would fucking erase it and then write 'defiantly', because she doesn't care. I hate her.
Dad: I need you to bake brownies. I lost a bet.
Dad: Omg. You cannot ship me with Gilcher. You know I don't like tattoos and he's like twenty-five. And for Christ's sake, he teaches math.
Dad: Omg. Gilcher said the funniest thing today.
Dad: Mrs. Ashworth and I have decided to start a band. It'll be called Great Expectations.
Dad: It's like you didn't read the fucking book.
Dad: Okay. So this week you're reading this book I stole from Mrs. Ashworth's. It's like sixty pages long, but you'll love it.
Dad: *puts books on my bed for me to read everyday and demands that I read them*
Dad: My son doesn't like reading. I have not only failed him, but society. You aren't my son. Leave.
Dad: Okay. So you're getting books for Christmas. All of you. I get discounts on them since I'm a teacher, and since I'm a teacher, it's all I can afford, so...
Dad: Fucking standardized testing can go fuck itself in the ass.
Dad: I have to teach for the required testing instead of what they really need to know.
Dad: Fuck the government.
Dad: Fuck the school board.
Dad: Close the door.
Dad: Charles Dickens was so fucking pretentious, and I hate him, but he also caused change, but he's such a Dick. Ha. DICKens.
Dad: I love puns.
Dad: People who say sarcasm is the lowest form of humor are assholes.
Dad: Please shut up.
Dad: Catching Fire was the worst book but the best movie and that feels weird.
Dad: I wouldn't get so mad when you call me at school if you didn't change your ringtones to inappropriate rap music.
Dad: I fucking hate Alesha. She asked what countries were apart of Austria-Hungary today and I almost told her to get out.
Dad: You cannot visit my school in a dress that short. There are boys there.
Dad: Barbra Parks is fucking Queen.
Dad: I need you to make me a good, relaxing playlist for silent reading. I'm too lazy.
Dad: If I have to watch two of my students grind on each other at one more dance, I will kill them both.
Dad: They act like I care what they think.
Dad: I hate homework.
Dad: I have decided to become a politician.
Dad: What's the one book with the guys and the one kills the other and the chick without a name who dies and the short angry man? Mouseman? Oh my fucking gosh. Of Mice and Men. I have failed.

(and after)
(and during)


(and after)

(and during)

Just had to call 911..

People screaming outside our window that they have a gun. Great.

Dinner at Parker and Quinn with former/future roomie - spaghettini (yes I spelled that correct) with meatballs, creme brûlée and salted caramel cheesecake for dessert, and champagne. Lots of champagne.

And our bill was $19.80. Everything was comped except the pasta. I

Me and my homegirl

Me and my homegirl



what’s Whitney Houston’s favorite type of coordination?


i hate this i hate u 

(via thefreelancecynic)


I’m going to use “Out-Of-Context Motivational Joffrey” whenever I can.

DINNER at Le Monde!!!

I got off the subway - which I took all by myself! - and saw the Seinfeld diner! Had no idea!

Had a delicious cheese plate, French onion soup, and the most decadent chocolate mousse. Mmmm.


More pictures- built that TV stand today!


Diem’s new home :) :) :)

Can’t stop fishtailing.

Edit: half my pictures won’t post?! Though that pretty color is going to be the same color I paint an accent wall in my new bedroom.

Can’t stop fishtailing.

Edit: half my pictures won’t post?! Though that pretty color is going to be the same color I paint an accent wall in my new bedroom.

Anonymous asked: your such a cool teacher :o